Hello Dharma Punx,
This is an invitation for you to let us know if you’d be interested in participating in a special break out group engaging in the Year to Live process and program with the Dharma Punx SF Sangha.
 
The Year To Live book by Stephen Levine, maps out a unique opportunity to prepare for the most significant and guaranteed part of your life; your death. It’s a year to imagine you are given a terminal diagnosis. And experience what you will feel, think, fear, and do with your remaining 12 months in preparation for the final breath. Almost no one prepares for dying their best death while trying to live their best life. Then we find out far too late that there’s no time left for it. Stephen outlines a suggested course of kind, aware and compassionate action for group practice in the back of the book, which will be utilized as our blueprint.
 
The second Sunday morning at 10:00 (PST) of each month is the most likely candidate for the large group meeting which would begin February or March 12th (please let me know if this is a deal-breaker).
 
The intent would be to:

• Create a monthly group to meet in for a couple hours or more if needed, to engage in the practices outlined and discuss our process and discoveries along the way.
• Commit to readings and other suggested activity in getting your affairs in order.
• Present guest speakers with prior experience leading in this program and chaplaincy work.
• Meditation guidance and relative Buddhist teachings discussed.
• Dedicate a private/secret social media page for interim group sharing
• Encourage participants to connect voluntarily between meetings for accountability and support.

 
In 2018, Emily and I experienced this yearlong process together, guided by Vinny Ferraro and Noah Levine. To say it was a year to remember would be a massive understatement. It reorganized the way we consume the world around us, culminating in the virtue of treading lightly and with fewer regrets of haste or waste. Later that year, this very Sangha was formed as a direct result of this refreshed attitude toward our time here. Now, as an endorsed Buddhist Meditation Teacher, I am encouraged and supported to facilitate this course.
 
These offerings are typically $750 - $1,500 for the (online) course elsewhere. But that’s not how we roll. We’ll offer this at your discretion of generosity. However, a real commitment to oblige the group of your time and attention is totally required. So please consider your willingness and ability to stick with it all the way through before you decide. And pick up a copy of the book (paperback is best in this case).
 
Right now, we’re just looking for a head count of those willing to commit, before setting this thing in motion. I’d like us to have at least a dozen participants (and up to 20) to make it happen. Please reply in the comments here or via email. Thanks for your careful consideration.

UPDATE: COURSE BEGINS 2/12 AND WILL BE ON A SEPARATE LINK SENT BY EMAIL. REGISTRATION CLOSES ON 2/10/23

In this true story, one might see how we never know how or where a random act of kindness may land. An unintentional intervention into a traumatic childhood experience, a real world example of equanimity and a glimpse into our conditioned perceptions. 
​ 
You're welcome to share. The transcript PDF is HERE 
and this video is on our (barely used) YouTube Channel HERE
Please be aware there is mention of child abuse if you're sensitive to hearing about those things. 
May we all do what needs to be done to create a positive change in our world. 

Somewhere along the line I met Jack Huynh, a friend and family member of our Dharma Community here in the Bay Area. Jack is a brilliant photographer, videographer and has the patience and determination it takes to put together a multi-media overview of modern Buddhism in the U.S. and the many forms it inhabits. Jack first interviewed me at my home in 2017, still in teacher training and about to be married. Then again in 2019 at the home of SomaDharma at 5051 Mission Street. After a division in our meditation community, yet before the division of the pandemic.
Please check out this work at beyondthecushion.com

(2017-  At Home)
WHEN WERE YOU FIRST EXPOSED TO DHARMA?
I learned about meditation as a youngster, but it wasn’t until around 2004 that I started going to the Dharma Punx group on Friday nights in SF (the Back of the Bus) and hearing the dharma talks there in a language I could understand and with people that looked like me that I really felt exposed. It became my path when I learned to walk again as a sober man in 2014. In early sobriety I held on to the dharma like a life raft. I literally took refuge in the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha. Thankfully, enough of the teachings seeped in from earlier, they were kind of lying in wait for my heart and mind to detox enough to truly absorb. Saved my ass – for real. Not that the philosophy is some sort of recovery program but it certainly offers a road map to a path of least resistance.​
​
HOW HAS THE PATH MANIFEST IN YOUR DAILY EXPERIENCE? DOES IT REFLECT IN YOUR WORK AND RELATIONSHIPS?
I’ve learned how to see what’s coming at me from the outside through seeing what’s coming at me from the inside. So I pay a lot more attention to how my thoughts and feelings try to pull me around. Even the way bodily pain can effect my behavior. If I find myself getting a little too far out there, I can pull back and understand I can only create and respond to the past or future in this moment. Just like what we learn in Vipassana meditation. This and taking the 5 precepts to heart has really given me a solid foundation. Sati and Sila.
I do my best to apply this to work, relationships, my practice, whatever, and when I fall short, I just check out where I’m at with that too and keep going. It’s worked out pretty well. I seem to be doing more of what I enjoy and less of what I don’t. I started training to teach a while back and that’s coming to fruition these days. I wrote and published a book too. The construction thing is still paying the bills and I’m even getting married to my sweetie this year.
 
​
(2019 - At Soma Dharma, a transcript)
On the Composition
Yeah, we’re super unconventional here, and I would be uncomfortable saying what type of person would come in here. Like, every body can get in here. I’m going to reference a little bit the recovery model again. What I know about drug addiction and alcoholism is that it doesn’t discriminate at all. It discriminates as much as cancer or anything else, from any class, color, sexual orientation, age, you name it. We’re all susceptible to suffering either through addiction or through ordinary or extraordinary things in life that - that hurt us. I don’t know what an individual will come in and be comfortable with or not. And, if they are uncomfortable and don’t want to ride that out in here, it’s totally OK. I want to encourage anybody to know the doors are unlocked in here, you can let in or let out whatever you’re cool with. We have just, as an example, an artist, an architect, a mechanic, a schoolteacher, a counselor, a builder, a scientist. Yeah. These are just the professions that come in here. And as far as their economic status or sexual orientation, I couldn’t tell you and, only they know what’s right to show. That’s just stuff that lands in the room. Yeah.

On the Container
It’s been interesting. Our little group is coming on to just about a year. So I sort of had to show up with the same kind of attitude that I wanted other people to show up with. So, this is just kind of how I would do it if I didn’t have to obey any rules. And I want people to not feel that we have to abandon what’s going on to come in here. It’s cool to come in here smelling like work, or with a bad attitude, or proud of something, or whatever. It makes me kind of feel good and feel at home to play some music. So I usually have some cut of rock music or tonight there was some reggae or something going. I think that helps people just kind of show up. And just if they don’t know each other, they can just hear the music. And it’s just kind of noisy and rowdy sometimes and just sort of feels like family. I like to see that.       And I think we go at the meditation and the teachings with that same sort of attitude. I really want to demystify it. You know, I’m not going to sit up here and act like I’m some sort of monk or scholar or anything else, just sort of a Buddhist geek and try to share my experience and, and do my best to draw out of the group what their experiences are, to learn the most from each other that way. And there’s, like I said tonight, there’s no - there’s no separating dharma from the rest of life.
The whole idea is down there on the street, the street fight there. Then we’re being serenading with a tambourine we had tonight. That just got delivered into our practice up here. Now there’s nothing that doesn’t belong in here. Yeah. Can you specify your role? Yeah. Yeah. I love it. It’s a, it’s a real interesting balance to be and act like a leader because I think there’s a certain element that gets created when there’s structure and there’s some point person, there’s some discipline. I think it creates a level of safety. And when that crosses into a sort of authoritarian role, sit this way, act that way, I get to talk, you don’t. That shit seems to spill into a form of separateness, which I am certainly not.
The teachers that I learned from told me that the curriculum should come in second or third, maybe fourth in line and the first always being this connection, this ability to transmit authentic storytelling. I work on bringing a personal aspect. Um, because I think that’s what Dharma is. It’s so personal. So, so intimate and I respect the Buddhist model of teaching by not saying hey do it this way, but rather that this is what works and I’ll try my best to explain it and see if that works for you and then you’ll see for yourself. And in a group that’s small enough, with a dozen or 20 of us, there’s  enough opportunity for those who want to voice what they’re excited about or they’re struggling with.
And I try to allow for about a quarter or a third of the time that we have here to be an opportunity to get your voice in the room and listen and share with your peers. So there’s a bit of a mixture and inconsistency, and I’m sort of playing with a peer led model and seeing that love for teaching and helping from others in our group. I’ll reference the recovery room again, the parallel to the model that anybody in the room can lead the meeting.
There’s still that thing though, if there’s somebody sitting up there with a binder or somebody with a bell next to them and a piece of paper, you’re think they’re the one. And I mean, people come in here looking for something to do, some direction to go, so you got to respect that responsibility and do your best to help show the way from your heart, right? And you know, I mean, if you came all the way from wherever you came from to come here, I’m going to have something prepared to make it worth your while.
I think that’s important too.
 
On the Fallout
There was a total split, and I think this might be the elephant in the room. It’s that the founder of our parent group, Against the Stream, Noah Levine had some trouble, there were some accusations, allegations against him, which led to nothing but the fallout and dissolution of Against the Stream and some other organizations he had in place are coming apart. And I just wasn’t in the camp of vilification based on speculation. It’s not that I was waving the banner down the street saying yay Noah, but I just wasn’t in the camp of saying I’m going to completely abandon this person, my friend, my teacher who opened the door to the dharma for me and the founder of this community I fell in love with because there's problems in his life. I think my popularity suffered because of that position. Which I find so unfortunate, so unbecoming of a Buddhist community.

On Human Connection
If I had the magic bullet of getting through to people just how vital that is, this human connection. Really, and I think if there’s one thing I can, I could dream up and say, I just want to get this through to as many people as possible. Being able to have an in the the same space conversation. It’s such a virtue, and it’s just vanished and being eroded further and further and further apart by us becoming insulated by fixed views. And I mean, I don’t think we need to go into the state of the world as it is today and how social media and instant communication and everything’s a statement and whatever I say goes out to 1,000,000 people and the likes and dislikes in that, oh, the pain of being dismissed by 1000 people.
I always thank everybody and point to lets please, please not take this for granted. You know, it’s so precious to be among each other and even be awkward at times. And I see it, particularly with younger people who come and it’s so hard. It’s so hard to look at someone in the face and ask to have a real conversation. That scares me a little bit, you know, it’s just so valuable and so close to being a forgotten skill.
Yeah, so comparing that type of wisdom, what you can get out of a true, authentic connection to what you can read about or listen to or watch online, which, as I pointed to, is a great resource. But I don’t know, it’s almost like saying that we can just look at beautiful pictures of food and feel like we’re nourished by it. It’s just not the same.

Wow, it's been a LONG time since I've posted anything to this page. Which makes sense right? I mean nothing really significant happened in the last year and a half, did it? ...What? What did I miss?
OK. Look, as most of us have been, I bet, I've been somewhere between being overwhelmed with thoughts and inspiration and just being so damned exhausted from it all that just keeping my composer was a full-time effort.

So. In light of some things going on lately, I dug up this Dharma talk note I wrote a few years back. I'll write out a story or metaphorical stream of ideas from time to time. Then leave out writing down my own direct, relevant experiences or perspectives on practical Buddhism for spontaneous talking points. Thus the footnote at the end. It's in regard to an experience I had rebuilding a burned down home. The owner's of the terrifying fire had a new house to live in, but the neighbor's still had some lingering, phantom scents of smoke that continually reminded them of the unintentional harm caused by the event. One might be able to ascertain a metaphor for karmic consequence from even that snippet of the story.
Anyway. Here's my thoughts on a Campfire as our Sangha. ​Enjoy!
​
These sits where we come together in the interest and the service of awakening can be really sacred and beautiful. It’s more available, the beauty, if we're willing and able to allow ANY experience that comes out of this to be in that service.

We all came from so many directions today and from the infinite possibilities of experiences we had into being right here together for a little while. And from that, we may have come in with some expectations of what “will I get out of this”, what you expect to hear, who you expect to see, how will you be received and maybe how well you will receive what’s offered.
 
And while I am happy to share some of my perspectives and understandings of Dharma with you, I feel like my role, my obligation to you as a group facilitator tonight Is to value your time and attention by providing some area of focus and that it may be of some service to you, your direction, your perspective and insight. Shoring up or challenging them, or maybe testing your level of tolerance.
         What you take away is yours to keep and do with as you will (you and your Buddha nature), but the creation of it will be collective. Simply out of the nature and energy of the Sangha itself.

When I was growing up on the coast the big event was having a beach party at night with the big fire sometimes or at somebody’s Ranch inland. Now whoever hosted that party was usually responsible for the fire and being in construction, I had no shortage of access to fuel for the fire with scraps from the job, so many times I was elected to that position and that was cool. It felt good to have that responsibility and regard because the fire was the main focal point out there at night in the dark and cold.
         Everybody huddles around the fire. So it was cool to be the guy with the pickup truck full of wood. I’m always early to everything so I’d get there and unload it all, maybe have some hands pack it in close by and I wasn’t always the one that got to set it up to ignite later... everybody’s an expert when it comes to this.
 
So people start showing up around sunset and just before it gets dark somebody would get this thing going and you know how it is at first: big hot fire with the paper and kindling burning off. Of course we usually threw gasoline on there to make a show out of it. Some people like that kind of thing ...some don’t.
         You know it’s when (and how) the fire and gets established that it becomes communal... and through the course of the night has a lot to offer.
 
To the senses and the spirit: all sense doors engaged in the exciting sight of the fire, the crackling sound, the taste and smell of burning wood and smoke, the heat in your hands and face... and for me, just the miracle of fire itself tends to deepen my thoughts and makes me feel connected to a power greater than myself
 
To our tribe: we can see how we’re all centrally drawn to its warmth and energy and yet how it affects us all differently throughout the night as the fire changes with the direction of the wind or the fuel it’s burning. You know, there’s always someone who gets smoke in the face the whole time no matter where they moved, someone else usually gets so close they get burned or char some article of clothing, someone else always upwind and not really feeling it.
 
And then there’s all the contributors; some knuckle-head’s going to throw something on there that doesn’t belong and someone else will dowse it with a beer. There’s the experts, the chronic pokers, the hunter gatherers, the chefs, the daredevils, the elders and the children.
 
None of us are the fire itself.
But we can create it, maintain and nurture it... bring to and take away from it... and leave it to smolder out... taking away nothing but our experience.
The same goes for these sits, energetically everyone brings something into this room that becomes the fire. And everyone walks away without any part of it but their own direct experience from being around the fire like everyone else.
 
The Buddha spoke often about knowing our experience as externally, internally and both externally and internally. Extensively throughout the Satipatthana Sutta, our User’s Manual to mindfulness meditation in the Theravada tradition.
 
If we contemplate the element of fire literally and purely externally, we know what a delicate balance it is. An asset and liability as an element vital to our survival, yet when it is unconfined, can be devastating, merciless and deadly.
 
Living in California, we get an up close and intimate relationship to this nearly every year.  Folks in large numbers are still putting back the pieces of their losses as we enter into the next season. In my career as a homebuilder and working on many insurance losses over the years, including the San Bruno fire, I have some rather direct experience with this as well.
 
Figuratively speaking, if we can parallel ‘fire’ with ‘human passion’ whether in lust or in anger we can see a similar volatility.
**

This is not our fault, at least not the first part - it’s the conditions of our reality and the fundamental basis of the first and second noble truths. A) that there are causes and conditions that are not agreeable and b) because we cling to the idea that we can control the world we live  in by pushing away pain or clinging on to pleasure, the manifestations of these actions gets to become detrimental to our peace and well being.
 
Absorbing the wisdom of the 3rd and 4th truths; that we are capable of liberating ourselves from this process in this lifetime (3rd) and following the path to this realization or at least getting further from ignorance – through applying the virtues of wisdom, ethics and concentration, using the map of the territory we know as the eightfold path...this is our responsibility once we can see it.
 
**EICHLER STORY? (leads to compassion, equanimity, sangha)

Breath and body mindfulness meditations can take on many forms. Practicing clear comprehension of the posture, movements, breathing... calming, becoming steady. This happens through training our minds to narrowly focus attention as we choose, then learning how to negotiate what we intend with the mind through the actions of the body. That takes persistence and careful attention, making small corrections along the way, studying the results of those actions and trying not to get caught up in disappointment or attachment to outcome.
Just continue recollecting, aiming and observing. 
I've been shooting at targets a long time (never any living) and I don't keep score. The target is only one tiny piece of this activity. It shows only the millisecond in time that the arrow was released and the cause of the conditions that led up to it being in that spot. Archery as a meditation is my benefit.
Although it is much easier to collect your arrows of they're all in one place ;)
And always, always know what lies beyond your target!

Unlike life, where we're shooting arrows all over the place everyday. Never really knowing where they land, or who might get hit. Ever get hit by a stray arrow? Sure you have. And I bet you want someone to blame for it too! But that's not part of the deal. By taking birth, we signed up for the "getting-hit-by-stray-arrows' course.
The Buddha taught a parable about this. One of his students was going on and on, asking a million questions of him about all the unanswered mysteries of life and death. "Where do we come from? Where do we go? Are we something or or are we nothing?" He was really upset that the Buddha wouldn't directly address these things, since he seemingly had all the answers!
So the Buddha explains to him about life. He says, let's say you got hit with a poison arrow and before removing it, you demanded to know what the arrow was made of, what type of feathers it was fletched with, or whether it was it shot from a long-bow, a recurve or a compound? What was the political or religious principles of the shooter?
While concerning yourself with all these questions, you would surely die of your injury. He said, all we needed to know was what suffering is (getting shot by a poison arrow) and how to end it (promptly removing the arrow).
​This would be the way to liberation and thus, the questions rendered fruitless. 
The journey IS the destination, so enjoy the ride.

The story of Bamboo Pole Acrobats.
Emily and I wanted to share this message with you about how we can all care for the world right now by taking care of ourselves. By being diligently cautious and wise with our bodies and by trying to stay mentally/spiritually balanced.
It might feel like we’re “doing nothing” to help this situation by staying isolated, but as it turns out, it’s an incredibly generous and compassion action to take for the well being of many. Of course I’m referring to physical isolation here as advised by scientific and medical professionals. The flip side of this is that we’ve seen a massive outpouring of connection and service provided by means made possible through technology. That’s wonderful and essential. Please stay engaged in community anyway possible and reach through any discomfort to connect widely and be available for others to reach out to.
Emily and I are here too.
Thanks for watching, doing your part, deepening your practice and inner wisdom and looking after one another through looking after yourselves.
Please join us @soma.dharma Wednesday nights at 7:30 to connect with your people. ✌🏼❤️🙏🏼

Well… It's been a full week into 2020 and it's been quite a year so far in world news events!
Certainly valid evidence that there is no shortage of greed, hatred and delusion and plenty of suffering to be had by many through the actions of the few. Our sincerest wishes are for ease and peace for all in these strange and difficult times and for wisdom and compassion to prevail. Though our own practices, to cultivate inner peace and through insightful, mindful outward expressions into the world we live in. 
Last week, Wednesday 1/1/20, we celebrated our Sangha and ourselves in surviving all that each of us had 100% successfully survived so far in our lives.
Taking a look back through the last four seasons we contemplated what was worthy of carrying forth and what was best let go of, as it no longer served us.
After I gave a talk, we took a bit of an imaginative journey in the form of a visual sort of guided meditation (a version of The Backpack Journey – available on the “Sounds” page here) and in reflection, set our intentions for the year ahead.
We also had the beautiful gift of individually hand-painted stationary by Emily to write down our visions and intentions to ourselves on. We then sealed the envelopes, addressed them to ourselves and piled them into the middle of the room. These letters will be mailed out in one year.
I suppose after you do something a couple years in a row, it becomes a tradition, or ritual. So this is a repeat of last year’s The Day after Xmas Party’s events to some extent and beyond in other’s. I heard some people were very pleasantly surprised to receive last year’s letters they’d forgotten all about.
This year, the ‘food thing’ got bigger and better too! We had our Sangha’s finest bringing: vegan black eyes peas and sausage with collared greens, amazing minestrone soup, vegan corn bread, coleslaw and more. We hung out enjoying each other’s company, eating and listening to tunes for another half hour after we closed the sitting group. It was a lot of fun and truly one of the most comfortable holiday “family” experiences I can remember.
Please check out the “What’s Happening” page to learn about upcoming plans and ideas for this Month and the rest of the year!
I’m figuring out how to get a  a decent recording of some things I’d like to add on the here and don’t feel like it’s there yet. So, I thought I’d just share my transcript of the talk I gave on New Years night (below). This piece was followed by a short description of how several other traditions go on pilgrimages, or spiritual journeys in search for guidance before we did our own version in meditation. 
 
Enjoy. And Happy New Year!

Punk Perceptions and Gratitude - Just as rivers (1/1/20)
 
This December I went on a special ten-day silent retreat. It was special in a number of ways. It wasn’t like most any of the western insight traditional retreats, this was a Monastic retreat. Meaning that, first of all it was organized and led by monks. Like the real deal; Ajahn Passano is the senior most disciple of the venerable Ajahn Chah (a hero of mine, the grandfather of ours and my teachers) in the Western Hemisphere and one of only a few remaining alive today.
 
The retreat for us laypeople would be a taste of what they do for three months starting tomorrow (Jan 2). We take 8 precepts there, which means in addition to the traditional five*, we don’t eat after noon, don’t adorn or entertain ourselves and don’t sleep in great comfort. I followed these rules.
 
It was also significant in that I had just foregone a pretty significant opportunity to lead a dharma talk on a retreat with my training cohort at Joshua Tree. This was a major milestone on my path, but a story for another time. I had to line up everything just right in my life coming up to this event as I have a business to run and tying up all the loose ends according to plan (to disappear completely for 10 days) is no small feat. This happened as well as assuring my personal life, health and mindset and full support from my home life would be in place.
 
It was also known that it would be raining and cold in the Sierra foothills, uncomfortable, to not only be away from my cozy and happy home, but that I had this feeling like I just needed to “veg out” from working and stressing lately. Knowing enough about intensive silent retreating, especially done in this very traditional, ritual and pretty religious way would be stressful in and of itself. Nevertheless I was as ready as could be.
 
So I come to you here with two tales that seem to meet each other to me in some way at this point. And an experience of what it means to have gratitude and a way to express it.
 
On the first day of retreat, you get there and check in, awkwardness is the general weather pattern for the day for me. Finding my room, setting up my stuff just right, dressing up my thin, narrow mattress and awaiting the other body that would soon be cramping my style for the foreseeable future in here with me.
 
Enter “Povel”, a mid-thirties, heavy Russian-accented gentleman. Very polite and orderly, who also very deliberately alerted me of his tendency to snore! OK, no problem I am prepared for this.
 
At 9 p.m., after the excitement of the first “Puja” and orientation, the very light evening meal I had in my belly from 5:00 and a day of travel and transition, I remembered I had in my bag a pair of earplugs and a handful of melatonin.
I have rarely used melatonin in the past when I had long periods of difficulty sleeping, and usually tried it when I didn’t have to get up early the next day.
 
But the thoughts were that I had to have a good night’s rest to be the best Yogi I could be - beginning tomorrow. Especially since the cushion and mat I had dropped off in the shrine room upon arrival, was placed all the way up in the front row, just right of center stage.
 
Fast forward to 6:45 a.m. the next morning. I had over slept! Nearly 3 hours after the time I had set my alarm and the yogi bell ringers had come and gone to wake us all to make the trek downhill to the first Puja. A significant one too, the first bowing to the Buddha, and senior monks, the first set of chanting. All that I had ambitions for experiencing up to now  – had come and gone without me.
 
Alone in the dorm, a bit panicked and feeling like a total failure. What the fuck could have happened? Whose fault is this? Why didn’t my roommate help me out here? Everyone is going to know I’m a total amateur, a slacker, and just here to vacation. I made it down in time to get in line for breakfast at 7 am.
 
Feeling like a total turd, not being able to tell anyone what happened. OH sure the thoughts of ‘fuck all this, I’m crawling to my truck and leaving right now’ were there. But then a soft voice of my inner knowing arose; ‘fuck ‘em, bro. You just do you. It was an accident and you probably really needed the sleep. Let this experience inform you. Get it in gear and push on.’
 
I did. For the next 9 ½ days, I really absorbed all this retreat had to show me. It was everything you can (or can’t) imagine. And on day ten, I was very happy to not only have pulled it off in stride, but very happy to be packing it up and heading back to the lap of luxury.
 
Back now to Povel. With whom I had only a very brief, interaction of formalities on day one. We said our goodbye’s and he asked if his snoring bothered me. I was polite about it and honestly told him that I had dealt with it well enough, it had subsided some and it became a part of my practice (of metta and forgiveness).
 
He told me that he sat behind me in the shrine room, sitting in meditation for those many hours and admired my stamina and diligence of practice, but what really blew him away – did me too!
 
He said that he noticed my Dharma Punx bumper sticker upon moving in and had some preconceived notions about me. Which proved valid to him when I “just decided to fully rebel against the stigma of looking good and getting up early on day one to go to the first Puja”.
 
“That was radical, man! I mean you just said fuck ‘em, I’m gonna sleep in today and do shit my way! I was so fucking impressed, I mean, I could just never do that. Totally punk rock, dude, I loved that!”
​
Oh, sure, I considered being the guy he thought I was in his mind for a minute, but no, I humbly confessed to the truth. I did however, also share that I was feeling good about a quick recovery, which in a way did come from this attitude, but in a more self directed way I guess. More like “Fuck my mind, I’m just not going to know how to do everything right and be ok with it”
 
So that’s tale number one. This group. Soma Dharma is tale number two.
 
If some of you know the back-story, and me, the parallel might make sense already. The cliff notes go like this though; Many of us had come to know and love a sangha called against the stream, some of us had grown up on our dharmic paths through the earlier version of this sangha known as dharma punx, then the back of the bus crew, led by Vinnie Ferraro.
 
Well, some things happened involving allegations of sexual misconduct and the founder, (Noah Levine) wound up with his organizations falling apart and divisions happening within the sangha itself. The center I and so many other came to rely on as their sanctuary and place of community and spiritual friendship (our own special brand of it), the place I personally had put a lot of time and effort into building and becoming a facilitator of, had abruptly slammed it’s doors shut.
 
In the midst of the stormy weather of feeling betrayed, disappointed, divided and abandoned, some folks were working on restoring the status quo of the center at 23rd and Folsom. With a new mission statement, visions boards, nonprofit status, all that I didn’t know much about or have any faith in. I was also somewhat verbose, given the opportunity, about not being in the camp of hating or abandoning anyone for anything. Especially not the one whose home we were sitting in discussing these things, and the one who unlocked the door to the dharma for me and saved countless lives through his efforts in the world of teaching, writing and working with recovering addicts and the incarcerated.
 
I just wanted to do something. Anything, if even just a crutch for a while until shit got normal again. Shit never got normal again. I went and rented a weekly space for a couple hours over on Howard street (SoMa) and invited all my favorite teachers to come and fill the head seat for us to continue to hear the teachings and get together like we used to. I intended to go retro a bit, hoping to sort of hit a reset button of some kind, Bringing it back to the old dharma punx days, the room even kind of looked like that one did.
 
But instead, what I was met with was questions about my affiliation with the founder, how I felt about sexual misconduct and whether I condoned it! That my offer was even a statement of apathy for the afflicted in those cases. I responded with a plead to come and tell the group and me how their perspective would be helpful and lead to an understanding that would foster wisdom and compassion. Eventually, not one of them would come here it seemed, they turned their backs and when other places started back up again, saying all the safe, right and popular things to say, that’s were they landed
In the meantime, I had a meeting with Noah while on retreat with him in November of 2018, the former founder, who had mentored me by proxy through Vinnie and Joanna, the guiding teachers of the time. When I told him about my intentions and the dilemma ensuing, he reached over the table and said; “you do this. You’ve got he training and the passion for it, I don’t think you need to bring in all these people to speak for you, just jump in and see what happens”.
 
Here’s what happened. Here we are. The closest friends I’ve ever known are in this room. In my opinion the ones who really got the Buddha’s message of love, equanimity and forgiveness. Arie, Erika, Scotty, Cheryl, Brian and others; rode the waves of this group of well-meaning misfits all the way here from the first few meetings.
 
My wife, Emily. She is truly the foundation my building sits on, and the local rescue department of my heart and mind over the last year and a half. She’s able to pull me out of the mud and fill my tank all at once, and does it all the time. If I have a crazy idea (Like soma Dharma) she’s the executive director of the outcome. “You can totally do this, follow your heart – or- uh… you sure about that, maybe sit on that one for a minute, dear”.
When I say that Emily is the strong, silent type, the reason we’re really a family here and appear to have our shit together most Wednesday nights. I’m not just throwing that around. It’s true. And trust me when I say, she got hit with plenty of shrapnel from that fallout too.
 
Are there some false perceptions out there about my motivation, intentions or abilities? Maybe. Do I need to confess my truth to whom I might guess is holding them? Nope. Are we living breathing truth about what it means to find a refuge in our sangha? Yes. Where a practice can develop in the most authentic ways, where we find our kalyanamittas? Yes, absolutely. It’s done, it’s happening now, and stands as it’s own witnesses to be true.
 
This has truly been the most meaningful venture of my life. And I’ve been on a few!
How do we share our gratitude for this? I’ll tell you how WE do, and about a couple of the ways the MONKS do.
 
How we keep fuel in the tank here, and what I’ve come to know as the corner stone and key to real revolutionary transformation and spiritual growth: it’s generosity.
The pinnacle of which is just showing up here. Really. Without the action you all take to dedicate time and energy to get yourselves here on a Wednesday night, if not for your own practice, then to be a guide for others seeing you continuing to arrive – just for them, is the greatest act of generosity and gift to yourself that you can contribute to foster our growth collectively.
 
Another is in the form of contribution that may seem really practical. We have expenses to cover and hopes for things we’d like to create, which takes money and other efforts. My hope is that when you help in this way, it comes from the same spirit of generosity that’s in offering good advice to a friend, giving a gift to a loved one, or buying something you love to eat or wear.
 
It’s also part of belonging to the oldest continual barter system in the world. The Buddha, and the order of monks and nuns, in an unbroken lineage have been dedicating their lives to spreading the teachings for free and living on what is only freely and willingly offered in return. Everything from their housing, to food, clothing and medicine.
 
Now, that’s not me. I don’t live that way at all. I work my ass off as a building contractor and hope to get PAID for that work. I’ve been at it a long time and have managed to live good enough – to fairly well through the years.
 
This here – I don’t get paid for and I don’t want to. The perspective for my part here is that through your generosity, I get to continue training as a meditation and dharma teacher; it’s an ongoing internship. Money we collect here goes directly back to this group (and I keep track). So I hope that my part in this this group is also viewed as an act of generosity, just like every one of us who walks through the door.
 
That’s us. The monastics, like the ones I just spent some time with – total dedication to generosity and renunciation. They don’t even get to ask for their preferences.
When I got to be part of the daily alms round, I was moved deeply.
 
In the setting I was in there on retreat, there’s a buffet line, it’s kinda the same at the monastery, and you’re all welcome to go join them there too.
But to get a closer look at the ritual, I had to volunteer to “Offer the meal” along with a few other yogi’s. As they can’t just take anything without it being offered, and we can’t just put things in their hands, it need to be put in thier bowls. So for them to do this themselves it has to be offered somehow.
 
I learned that when they come in, and walk down to the buffet line, to offer it: I was to touch one side of the dish or tray, then they touch the other  - then it’s been offered and we move on to the next. Then they go collect their bowls and serve themselves up.
 
At the end of all this, they all line up at the end of the table, bowls in hand, with all of us yogis standing there in Anjali (hands together). And the monks begin this most beautiful chant to us. Offering us their gratitude and blessings. It’s called “Just as Rivers” and I’d like to read it now to you all.
 
>>>Read from the chanting book page 50.
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Hello Soma Sangha! 
Just a few things to say here. First, I want to say how much I enjoyed working through the Brahmaviharas series of classes with you. If you missed anything or want to go back to revisit some part of the stuff we covered, you can always come to any class and bring up the subject for discussion. The little books we used from Ajahn Amaro are always freely available electronically or by asking for them in paperback by going to our webpage and getting them. I also keep copies of the Metta Sutta on hand at the sit if you'd like one to take home, just ask. 

As it turned out, I was asked to lead a daylong retreat in Eugene during this series and the topic they requested was Loving-Kindness (Metta), so I was all primed for it. As I arrived in Oregon, I got some scary news that a skin cancer biopsy I had days before came back malignant and needs to be surgically removed. This is where the benefits of the practice come into the spotlight and of course having a loving, supportive partner in Emily and a loving supportive Sangha in you all. I'm told it is a very routine procedure and that I have nothing to worry about. 
The following week, Em and I practiced a 3-day silent retreat in Joshua Tree with Noah, Rebel Saints & Co. and found the Three Jewels alive and well in the high desert. It felt like a family affair... because it was. I highly encourage the silent retreat experience. If you'd like recommendations, please let me know.

Onward, this week (June 5th) We'll wrap up the series with a second discussion around Equanimity, review the four sublime abodes as a whole and see what else we can tie into the methodology and benefits of Metta practice.

Next week, June 12th, We have a special Guest Teacher, Jason Murphy, coming in to lead our group!
This is a rare treat not to be missed. Catch Jason before he heads back overseas once again! (More info Below). 

Join us for a pizza party on June 26th, 5:30 at Little Joes to help celebrate a couple of pinnacle milestones I'm traversing :) I couldn't have done it without you and would like to share appreciation. So if you'd like, please RSVP so we have a chair for you, then just come and enjoy!

The Soma Sangha Kayak Tripoffered by Chris, Owner of HMB Kayak Co. is on deck for late summer, probably August. If you haven't already signed up for this FREE GIFT, please do the next time you come sit with us.

Emily's artwork: still some special edition prints available.
I'll have a batch of rock-album stickers ready for the 6/12 sit.

And of course, ongoing weekly meditation sittings, Dharma talks, and discussion! ~Cuz that's our JAM!

JUNE 12th!​
Teacher: Jason Murphy-Pedulla (photo below)

 This evening event is open to anyone who would like to deepen their understanding of Insight meditation practices and Buddhist psychology.
No prior meditation experience necessary.

All teachings are freely offered and your practice of generosity is appreciated. 
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Participants will gain an understanding of the basic tenets of the Buddha’s teaching i.e. wisdom, compassion and ethical integrity. How we can apply this ancient wisdom teaching to our current life and society?  The teachings found in early Buddhism are a revolutionary and rebellious path to inner freedom. This sit will focus on engaged Buddhist practice as well as everyday mindfulness. Rebel Against Greed! Against Hatred! Against Delusion! Join in the Rebellion!
Jason Murphy-Pedulla MA, LMFT has been practicing Vipassana meditation since 1994. He is a meditation teacher, and therapist helping youth, families and adults for over 20 years. Jason has studied and trained with several prominent teachers in the Thai Forest Tradition of Ajahn Chah and Burmese Masters Mahasi Sayadaw and Sayadaw U Pandita. Among them are Ajahn  Sumedho, Ajahn Passano and Amaro Bhikkhu. Other teachers and mentors have been: Mary Grace Orr, Gil Fronsdal, John Travis, Sylvia Boornstein, Jack Kornfield and Steven Smith. Jason has sat long-term residential retreats in the U.S as well as in Asia. He received ordination in the Mahasi Sayadaw lineage in 2016. Jason is empowered to teach by the Spirit Rock Teachers Council. He received his training with Noah Levine, Mary Grace Orr, Spirit Rock teacher and Bob Stahl, Ph.D., guiding teacher at Insight Santa Cruz, international teacher of Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction, and author of several books including Living With Your Heart Wide Open.